Steven Wright 01
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright 02
I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So
Steven Wright 03
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
Sorry, my mind w
Steven Wright 04
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright 05
I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl."
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So